Monday, February 23, 2009

Even tough guys get the blues

As much as women agonize about their relationships, men do, too. Granted my friends are on the Left side of the aisle, and they're mostly nerdtastic. So not really a representative sample, but studies indicate that men have a tougher time talking about breakups and getting over them. (Yeah, I know, you're like that's a CANADIAN study.) They're clearly not as verbal about it. And mainstream media seems to be chipping away at the self-esteem of dudes like some woman-focused marketing. Exhibit A: marketing towards men for diet colas as well as men's magazines promoting unhealthy notions of fitness and virility worries me. I mean I'm all for dudes being more open to their emotions and all that, I just hope that we can all come to a more open place without promoting hallmarks of American women suckitude like eating disorders or tanorexia.

In any event, heartbreak sucks for all of us. The other day, one of my best friends and I were bar-hopping, discussing his latest heartbreak. My friend - let's call "Bob" to protect the innocent - is one of my favorite people. He's funny, creative, smart and loving, and good looking. He's also getting over this chicky-doo, and like many (maybe most?) he suffering from a temporary low self-esteem. It's been a few months, but he's still down about it.

So, being a good friend (and walking around mildly inebriated) I decided it was time for a pep-talk. In an outside voice.

Me: You are better than this.

Bob: I know, I'm just sad about it still.

Me: Bob...

Bob: what? I just don't know what I did wrong.

Me: You did nothing wrong.

[this is when that 2nd shot of Jameson kicked in]

Bob: Sad sad sad sad

Me: Bob, you need to realize that...

[and I mean REALLY kick in]

Me: you are a HOT PIECE OF NERD ASS, WHO USED TO PLAY IN AN ALMOST SIGNED ROCK BAND...just say it...

Bob: um... do you really....

Me: I AM A HOT PIECE OF NERD ASS.

Bob: (facepalm)

Me: ...and you just need to channel Jack Donaghy - did you see the last episode of 30 Rock?

Bob: of course.

Me: Say to yourself: I'M A TIGER, TAKE WHAT'S MINE.

Bob: (rolls eyes)

Me: Say it.

Bob: (starts walking away from me)

Me: SAY IT. SAY IT, BOB.

Bob: (sigh)

Me: SAY IT. I'M A TIGER, I'M TAKING WHAT'S MINE.

Bob: Dude... could you maybe not....

Me: I'M A TIGER, GODDAMIT, I'M TAKING WHAT'S MINE!!!

Bob: (looks around at people staring at me)

Me: SAY IT.

Bob: I'm-a-tiger...

Me: and...

Bob: (shrugs)

Me: I'M TAKING WHAT'S MINE. SAY IT! SAY IT!!!

Bob: I'matiger, I'mtakingwhat'smine.

Me: THERE YA GO!

Bob starts walking rapidly away from me. But the next day he said he felt better, and the day after when I looked at him in a crowded room and asked "what are you?" he rattled the rest off. So either he's embarrassed of me, or it's helping. Hopefully the later.

RAWR.

2 comments:

Steve Perez said...

you are a rock star :)

Generation Next said...

I laughed so hard at this exchange. :)